Everything is much clearer in retrospect. I look back at my days as a contractor and things are clearer now than they were back then.
I was living on caffeine to get me up and running in the morning and I needed more to keep me awake during a mid-afternoon crash. Even with my morning and afternoon caffeine doses, I still needed more to get me through long nights of work.
Caffeine wasn't the only problem, I also was a non-stop eating machine. When I was young, I could sort of get away with it, but all the bad habits were being put into place at a tender age.
One of the stupid things I did was skip meals because I was too busy!
This was especially so when I’d be running service calls during the crazy crush of the heating season. I’d be out there late into the night. The fun part is I’d catch up with my brother, Richie, at one of the million great diners in the greater New York area and we’d proceed to eat just about everything on the menu.
Do you know how big the menu is at a diner?
It didn’t matter if it was midnight … and all too often it was.
I don’t know about Richie, but I later came to see that what I was really eating was my stress. Plus, I was going to make sure I didn’t get gypped from not eating much all day because I DESERVED IT.
That was 40 pounds ago.
My knees and back were already aching at the age of 30. The only motivation I had to expend the energy to drag my fat body out of the basement and into my truck was because I was the boss’ kid (you’re always the boss’ kid no matter how old you get to be in a family business).
Then, I’d fall asleep, exhausted, at 2:00 AM many times and begin the whole destructive cycle again at 5:00 AM.
I realized something had to change. I wished it was the world that did the changing, but I also know it had to be me.
It was only when I was ready to address my addictions to working, overeating, consuming caffeine, and more that my life took a turn for the better.
Once I was willing to take responsibility for my decisions, I was able to get to the real source of my troubles and stress.
Oh yes, I was too proud to ask for help! And I found that the going it alone kept me in a death spiral of losing weight only to pack it back on, leading to more stress than anyone should have to deal with.
Okay, what do you need to get through your grueling day … coffee, cigarettes, overeating, or possibly something even more destructive?
Don’t despair, whatever it is. You can take the first and most important step to change this cycle; accept responsibility, stop blaming the world for what you don’t have or what is going wrong. There is help, I encourage you not to do it alone. Seek out professionals and groups designed to provide the specific type of support you need.